Embryology

Just as many undeveloped animal fetuses start out looking very similar to one another, American teens have a tendency to all look like they might end up being the same species. The default teen fetus will appear to be a Mandy, although there are subtle variations that indicate that the adult result will be something other than Mandy. Developing teens will often congregate together in their natural environment of school dances where photographs of the event are taken to provide a plethora of evidence to investigate.

1. Teen Fetus A will result in the Classic Mandy, who you can identify by the consistency that she doesn’t mind the tedium of being alive. Interests will already include appetizers with dipping sauces, anything in costumes, and the hidden inspirational meaning behind falling snow.

2. Teen Fetus B will result in the Shy Mandy, sometimes referred to as the Diary Mandy. A burgeoning Shy Mandy is literally suppressing a combination of giggles and lust at all times. She will masturbate over just the thought of a lit candle and will later write about it in her journal.

3. Teen Fetus C will result in some variation of a Courtney. Future Courtneys are easily identified by their low expectations and happiness; for example, she will be content if the sleep-over doesn’t include Doritos, but ecstatic if it does include Doritos. She will accidentally have sex with her school bus driver by age 17.

4. Teen Fetus D will result in a Misty and can be identified by her unique inability to admit she has an anus.

5. Teen Fetus E will result in a Closeted Tammy, who will not have the potential to unveil her true Tammyness until their twenties. These kinds tend to have sharper faces with narrow noses and will always look alien in a dress.

Note: Future Purebred Tammy teens are like shark fetuses in that they are identifiable early on and only attack if provoked. They do not like to be photographed.